I am writing this blog about how life is so unpredictable and I am not sure how to explain it so easily. How could I possible explain life? I am not a scientist. Science was one of my worst subjects in school. So I thought I would just share some experiences I had from school. About why I do the things I do and why I am the way I am.
School was hard for me in more ways than one. It was hard to learn things. I also found it hard to make friends and to be a friend. I was bullied on more than one occasion. I can only remember bits and pieces of my early years in elementary school. One of my first memories is from Kindergarten. I believe we lived in North Carolina at this time. The class was in a building all by itself a short walk away from the main school building. I remember these large people balloon's that were actually letters of the alphabet. Each letter was made to look like either a boy or a girl. Like the letter "B" was a boy with sneakers and a baseball cap. I remember seeing cardboard cutout letters above the chalk board. My memories of everything else have vanished. I don't know if I cried everyday or if I was happy?
Another little bit I remember in another school was having to wear galoshes over my shoes. We must have lived in Michigan because I remember the snow. I would have to take the galoshes off that fit over my sneakers once I got to my locker outside of our classroom and when we got ready to go home the boots were full of water. I didn't know what to do with the water so I would just keep the water in the rubber boots. My shoes got soaked in the boots on the ride home on the bus. The first friend I remember was a little Spanish girl. We played together at recess. One school day morning, she was standing next to her mother, who was yelling at our teacher in Spanish. I couldn't understand a word she said but I knew something bad must have happened for her to be yelling in that tone of voice. This became instilled in my spirit and soul, I didn't want my mom to come to the school to yell at my teacher. My Spanish friend was embarrassed and I felt embarrassment for her.
Later on, I do remember some of third grade in Michigan. We had just moved again and I remember it as a big school hiding behind some trees off of the main highway. It was the first time I saw a school that went up instead of out. It was a mile high to me which is only about three stories now. I remember being lost and confused. I couldn't remember the whereabouts of my classroom nor could I remember my teacher and what kids were in my class. My big sister had to escort me every morning to my classroom. When I would ask to go to the bathroom, I always returned to the wrong classroom. I had no clue most of the time and I remember crying. Luckily there were other girls who knew where I was supposed to be. I'm not sure why I couldn't remember things that happened from day to day. Unless something significant happened, I was just one lost puppy. One of the worst experiences I had in school happened at this school. At recess, I would usually slide down the big slide with the boys. It was the boys slide. I liked to be where it was mostly boys even though they would laugh at me when my butt hit the ground. At other times I would play on the large tractor tires. There were two tires. They were so big about 10 kids could stand in the middle and you could even crawl into the insides to hide. One of the tires was for the third graders like me and the other one for the fourth graders. I would play with the fourth grade girls because they were nicer to me. The fourth grade girls taught me to play a game called "Guess who?" One girl would be in the middle and close her eyes. All the other girls would walk around the tire top as the girl in the middle grab's at shoes and guesses who she was based on her shoes. It was fun until one day I was walking around the top and some boy decided he wanted to take over the tire that day. After he got onto the tire, all of the girls jumped down to run but I just stood there like a dummy. He pushed me backwards knocking the wind out of me onto the hard ground. All I can remember is looking up to see the most gorgeous boy in third grade hovering over me. He had curly, dirty blond hair with a pair of light blue eyes. I was in pain but all I could think about was how this boy who didn't know I existed was probably thinking I was so stupid for not running. This embarrassing episode became embedded into my soul. I remember mom and dad picking me up in their VW Bug. I stayed home 3 days, when I returned to school I found out that boy only was suspended for one day. I made sure I stayed clear of him and I stopped playing with the boys on the slide. I stopped playing with the girls on the tires. I would just find a place to sit and watch all the other kids play and watched the curly haired boy playing and walking around at recess with his friend. I don't know what happened to him. I can't even tell you him name but I was smitten with blond hair blue-eyed boys from that day on.
I don't know how long I went to that school nor do I know exactly where it was in Michigan. We moved a lot so making friends became hard until we finally settled in Sheridan. I can remember most of the things that happened since I started fifth grade. One of the most disturbing things that happened to me was being bullied by other girls in my grade all through out fifth through eight grade. There was this group of three girls who decided that I wasn't good enough. Well, actually I don't know what was on their minds, all I know is they didn't like me. They called me names and teased me. I don't think they ever hit me but their words were like swords into my soul. They would follow me around on the play ground until one day I finally got tired of their harassment. I found a teacher to let her know what they were doing. She gave them a few choice words. After that day they never bothered me again - at least not on the playground. That was not the last time I was bullied.
In sixth grade, a whole group of us girls hung out at recess in this one spot but one day things changed. I took the side of the girls when a majority of the girls in the group told me I couldn't be their friend if I was friends with her. I became disliked by all of them. Like me, she was also bullied for being different. I learned that to fit into the group I had to be liked by the majority. The majority in this little town came from rich families. They wore nice and pretty clothes. Unlike me, who wore hand me downs or clothes from the dollar store. I learned to remove myself from the majority because I was judged on my appearance. I do care about my appearance on the outside but those who know me see my appearance on the inside. I try not to judge others based on their outward appearance because I was judged for what I looked like and not on who I was on the inside. Being shunned by a group of girls whom I thought were my friends ingrained into my spirit the will to be who I am and not be a numb less soul who goes with the flow.
These are just a few things that happened that shaped me into the person I am today.
School was hard for me in more ways than one. It was hard to learn things. I also found it hard to make friends and to be a friend. I was bullied on more than one occasion. I can only remember bits and pieces of my early years in elementary school. One of my first memories is from Kindergarten. I believe we lived in North Carolina at this time. The class was in a building all by itself a short walk away from the main school building. I remember these large people balloon's that were actually letters of the alphabet. Each letter was made to look like either a boy or a girl. Like the letter "B" was a boy with sneakers and a baseball cap. I remember seeing cardboard cutout letters above the chalk board. My memories of everything else have vanished. I don't know if I cried everyday or if I was happy?
Another little bit I remember in another school was having to wear galoshes over my shoes. We must have lived in Michigan because I remember the snow. I would have to take the galoshes off that fit over my sneakers once I got to my locker outside of our classroom and when we got ready to go home the boots were full of water. I didn't know what to do with the water so I would just keep the water in the rubber boots. My shoes got soaked in the boots on the ride home on the bus. The first friend I remember was a little Spanish girl. We played together at recess. One school day morning, she was standing next to her mother, who was yelling at our teacher in Spanish. I couldn't understand a word she said but I knew something bad must have happened for her to be yelling in that tone of voice. This became instilled in my spirit and soul, I didn't want my mom to come to the school to yell at my teacher. My Spanish friend was embarrassed and I felt embarrassment for her.
Later on, I do remember some of third grade in Michigan. We had just moved again and I remember it as a big school hiding behind some trees off of the main highway. It was the first time I saw a school that went up instead of out. It was a mile high to me which is only about three stories now. I remember being lost and confused. I couldn't remember the whereabouts of my classroom nor could I remember my teacher and what kids were in my class. My big sister had to escort me every morning to my classroom. When I would ask to go to the bathroom, I always returned to the wrong classroom. I had no clue most of the time and I remember crying. Luckily there were other girls who knew where I was supposed to be. I'm not sure why I couldn't remember things that happened from day to day. Unless something significant happened, I was just one lost puppy. One of the worst experiences I had in school happened at this school. At recess, I would usually slide down the big slide with the boys. It was the boys slide. I liked to be where it was mostly boys even though they would laugh at me when my butt hit the ground. At other times I would play on the large tractor tires. There were two tires. They were so big about 10 kids could stand in the middle and you could even crawl into the insides to hide. One of the tires was for the third graders like me and the other one for the fourth graders. I would play with the fourth grade girls because they were nicer to me. The fourth grade girls taught me to play a game called "Guess who?" One girl would be in the middle and close her eyes. All the other girls would walk around the tire top as the girl in the middle grab's at shoes and guesses who she was based on her shoes. It was fun until one day I was walking around the top and some boy decided he wanted to take over the tire that day. After he got onto the tire, all of the girls jumped down to run but I just stood there like a dummy. He pushed me backwards knocking the wind out of me onto the hard ground. All I can remember is looking up to see the most gorgeous boy in third grade hovering over me. He had curly, dirty blond hair with a pair of light blue eyes. I was in pain but all I could think about was how this boy who didn't know I existed was probably thinking I was so stupid for not running. This embarrassing episode became embedded into my soul. I remember mom and dad picking me up in their VW Bug. I stayed home 3 days, when I returned to school I found out that boy only was suspended for one day. I made sure I stayed clear of him and I stopped playing with the boys on the slide. I stopped playing with the girls on the tires. I would just find a place to sit and watch all the other kids play and watched the curly haired boy playing and walking around at recess with his friend. I don't know what happened to him. I can't even tell you him name but I was smitten with blond hair blue-eyed boys from that day on.
I don't know how long I went to that school nor do I know exactly where it was in Michigan. We moved a lot so making friends became hard until we finally settled in Sheridan. I can remember most of the things that happened since I started fifth grade. One of the most disturbing things that happened to me was being bullied by other girls in my grade all through out fifth through eight grade. There was this group of three girls who decided that I wasn't good enough. Well, actually I don't know what was on their minds, all I know is they didn't like me. They called me names and teased me. I don't think they ever hit me but their words were like swords into my soul. They would follow me around on the play ground until one day I finally got tired of their harassment. I found a teacher to let her know what they were doing. She gave them a few choice words. After that day they never bothered me again - at least not on the playground. That was not the last time I was bullied.
In sixth grade, a whole group of us girls hung out at recess in this one spot but one day things changed. I took the side of the girls when a majority of the girls in the group told me I couldn't be their friend if I was friends with her. I became disliked by all of them. Like me, she was also bullied for being different. I learned that to fit into the group I had to be liked by the majority. The majority in this little town came from rich families. They wore nice and pretty clothes. Unlike me, who wore hand me downs or clothes from the dollar store. I learned to remove myself from the majority because I was judged on my appearance. I do care about my appearance on the outside but those who know me see my appearance on the inside. I try not to judge others based on their outward appearance because I was judged for what I looked like and not on who I was on the inside. Being shunned by a group of girls whom I thought were my friends ingrained into my spirit the will to be who I am and not be a numb less soul who goes with the flow.
These are just a few things that happened that shaped me into the person I am today.
